I showed him my bush... on skype.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
vagina is talking i cant
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
