Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
