You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
