Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
