Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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