How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
