Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
