Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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