Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
