The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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