Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She said her name was "party"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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