I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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