I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
