dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
