Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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