I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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