I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
