She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
