I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
