Tell her she can't have a vagina
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
