Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
