A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
