We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
