Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
