in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
