were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
