Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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