Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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