apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
