Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
