All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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