then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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