You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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