My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
