walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
