I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
