I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
