I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
