walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
