She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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