somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
