DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
