Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
