i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
