I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
