I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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