Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
