We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
