do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
