I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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