Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
