i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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