i just wanna soil my oats bro
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
